i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
