he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
