Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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