chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
