you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
