I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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