Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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