His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
