The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
