Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want nice things and good sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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