tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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