i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
