It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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