if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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