i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can Purell be used as lube?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
