hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
