i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
