Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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