I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
