im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
