i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
