My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am naked and annoyed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
