When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
