I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
