Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
