She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
