How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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