Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
