Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
