she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
