Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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