he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
