Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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