I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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