capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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