bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
