I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
