hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
