She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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