Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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