So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
