Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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