it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
