dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
