the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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