I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
