fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
