I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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