The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
