The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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