I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
