Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
