I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
