I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
