i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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