i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
