Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
