"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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