just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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