If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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