Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
