His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did I show you my penis last night?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
