Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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