well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
