I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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