god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
