Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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