smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
