Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
