I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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