i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
